OK, ok, here’s what we got: I have a tune in 99% completeness. The 1% that is missing are two lines of lyrics. In the 2nd pre-chorus, note how I just babble through two non-existant lines (incidentally, this is what every song starts like. I just “skat” the whole song through to get the shape and make-up of the lyrics before I start replacing them with actual words). So now I’m stuck with two missing lines that I can’t for the life of me come up with anything for.
I need your help! Check out in the lyric sheet the two lines that just say “INSERT_LYRIC_HERE”. Who wants to write them? I’d be happy to add them if they fit the rhyming scheme of that section (A-B-B-A), and make sense in the context of the song. I know there’s lyricists among you - Robin? Dale? Dave? Chantal? Tamsin? Dewey? Cisco? What ya got?
Thanks in advance for your help, folks!
-Eliot.
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tune and tempo have potential
message good
tune a bit complicated
lyrics need to be cut to 1/2 to 2/3
good potential in this song
Pops
I don’t know El? Survivor got rich writing alot of songs like this with lots of piano and cliches. It could work? Just didn’t do it for me. I’ll try to think of something for those fill-in lyrics you asked for.
There’s a lot to like about this song. I think the melody for the first line of the chorus needs to be improved. It also seems to me that the lyric generally should be a bit clearer about what you’re actually saying.
I agree, Dale, about the first line of the chorus. It just jumps out melodically like it’s been forced into place (which it was).
Hi Eliot
Melodic as usual. I like the tune .. The bridge sounds a bit juxta posed for me. Also the crunch on the guitar is too harsh and may have affected my judgement on this segment.
I like the drum rythmn though - very “listenable” as a whole.
See Ya
Etienne
GREAT TITLE. PROMISING INTRODUCTORY LINES. THEN: TOO MANY DIRECTIONS.( I like to remember where I’ve been, without trying too hard.)
PUT IT ON THE SHELF FOR A WHILE AND IT WILL COME DOWN BETTER.
Confusing. Can’t understand why you feel lucky in the beginning then you’re bitter and getting better at the end. It might just be my brain failing though. Keep on plugging away.
Cheers, Randy